Living in MASH
by st.Jimmy108
Summary: a very strange story about MASH 4077. note that Ali has raven from teen titans powers. its my first story


Living in MASH

Chapter 1

Ali Chance was typing on her laptop when the phone rang. When she answered it, she heard Radar's voice.

"What's up, Radar?" Corey asked.

"There's a war in Vietnam now, so I was wondering if you could come back to the 4077th." Radar asked.

"Ok. Who else is going?" Ali asked.

"Well, I know that Hawkeye's going, but I think Trapper's coming." Radar said.

"I'll see you there." Ali said.

At the airport, Hawkeye and Radar where waiting for Ali.

"She said she would be here." Radar said.

"Radar, relax. Ali hasn't lied to us yet."

Hawkeye told him.

Just then, Ali snuck up on them. She tapped Radar on the shoulder. He screamed.

"Ali! Don't do that!" Radar screamed.

Ali started laughing.

"I just had to do that." Ali told him.

"So, what have you been doing?" Hawkeye asked Ali.

"Not much." Ali replied.

"Well, we better get going." Radar said.

"Good idea." Ali said.

And the 3 of them walked off.

When they got to the 4077th, Radar, Hawkeye and Ali went to the mess tent. They looked around for Henry, but they couldn't see him. Instead, they saw an old man.

"Attention." He tried to say.

But no one could hear him.

"Quiet!" Radar yelled.

The room got quiet.

"Thanks, Radar. We really needed that." Ali said, sarcastically.

"Thank you. I am Colonel Sherman Potter. I will be commanding the 4077th. You all know the drill. You will be in the same places as before. Now get going." Potter said.

"I can live with that." Ali said.

She and Hawkeye had been in the Swamp before. It took them a while to get used to each other, but it worked out ok.

Radar, Ali and Hawkeye walked off to the Swamp. Ali and Hawkeye started unpacking their stuff.

"You brought the still!" Ali exclaimed.

"Yeah. You brought the book of Azar." Hawkeye pointed out.

"Yeah." Ali said.

"Hey, Ali? Do you want to go to Rosie's tonight?" Radar asked.

"Sure." Ali replied.

Potter had called all the major officers to his office.

"Major Frank Burns." Potter called out.

Frank came forward.

"I didn't think you would be coming, Ferret Face." Ali said.

"Shut up, Chance." Frank said.

"Major Margaret Houlihan." Potter called.

She came forward.

"You're the head nurse?" Potter asked.

"Yes, sir." Margaret replied.

"Captain Pierce." Potter called.

He looked at Hawkeye's file.

"Oh boy." Potter exclaimed.

He set it aside.

"Captain Allison Chance." Potter called.

"That's just Ali." Ali corrected.

Potter reviewed her files.

"You get in as much trouble as Pierce does!" Potter exclaimed.

"I know." Ali said.

"Well, that's it." Potter said.

Just then, Klinger came in wearing a dress with sunflowers on it.

"Nice dress Klinger." Hawkeye said.

"Take it off." Potter said.

"If I don't, then I won't get a section 8!" Klinger exclaimed.

"Let me tell you something, buster! I won't have any of this crap in my outfit! You're here because you where drafted, and you can't change that!" Potter yelled.

"Ok, ok, I get it." Klinger said, leaving.

"Dismissed." Potter said to the others.

Chapter 2

3 weeks later, Ali and Radar had become friends. They went to Rosie's a lot. But when Hawkeye and Ali where getting a new bunkmate, Ali and Hawkeye would have to rely on Radar a lot.

Hawkeye was in the Officer's bar one day when Ali and Radar ran in.

"Hawkeye, Trapper's left!" Ali yelled.

"What?" Hawkeye asked.

"He's been working at the airport. He quit this morning. I just found out." Radar said.

"I'm going after him." Hawkeye said, walking out.

"I'm supposed to get his replacement." Radar pointed out.

"Well, I'm going with you." Hawkeye said, getting in the front seat.

Ali hopped in.

"You can't go!" Radar exclaimed.

"I'm not going to stay here." Ali said, using her Telekinesis to make a force field around them.

"Well, let's go." Hawkeye said.

And with the roar of the engine, they where off.

When they got to the airport, Ali and Hawkeye went to find the flight schedule while Radar got Trapper's replacement.

Ali and Hawkeye walked into an office. There, they saw the list.

"See if you can find it." Ali told Hawkeye.

He picked up the paper and looked it over. Then he threw it back down.

"10 minutes too late!" Hawkeye exclaimed.

"Come on, let's find Radar." Ali said.

They walked out of the office. They saw Radar with the replacement.

"Did you find it?" Radar asked.

"10 minutes late. Hawk's really mad." Ali pointed out.

"Well, this is BJ Hunnicut. BJ, this is Hawkeye and Ali." Radar said.

"Hi!" BJ said enthusiastically.

"Yo." Ali said.

"Hi." Hawkeye said.

"Are you Gothic?" BJ asked Ali.

"What? Oh, yeah. Everyone asks that." Ali replied.

"Well, we better get going before Potter realizes that we're gone." Hawkeye suggested.

"Yeah. Who knows what might happen?" Ali agreed.

And the 4 of them got in the jeep and set off for the 4077th.

When they got back to the 4077th, the members of the Swamp showed BJ around. When they got to the Swamp, they found Potter.

"What did we do now?" Ali automatically asked.

"Nothing." Potter began.

"Then why are you here?" Hawkeye asked.

"To tell you that Frank's leaving." Potter said.

"YES!" Ali yelled.

"I take it that's a good thing?" BJ asked.

"Oh, yeah!" Ali replied.

"Are you serious?" Hawkeye asked.

"Yes. He was tired of Ali sending him into the cesspool, so he wanted out." Potter said.

"Well, he WAS annoying. He stole the book of Azar!" Ali pointed out.

"Hold on. Did you just say Ali sent him into the cesspool?" BJ asked.

"Yes." Potter answered.

"Ali has Telekinetic powers." Hawkeye told BJ.

BJ looked at Ali.

"What? It's true!" she exclaimed.

"Frank's replacement should be here in half an hour. Is that long enough to unpack, Hunnicut?" Potter asked BJ.

"Yeah." BJ replied.

"Good. I'll send him here." Potter said, leaving.

When Potter left, BJ started unpacking.

"Why don't you want Frank?" BJ asked.

"Because Frank was totally military!" Ali exclaimed.

"The man has his socks pressed, BJ! I can't believe that he's leaving for good!" Hawkeye said.

"I know!" Ali agreed.

She had put on a pair of tight black jeans with chains hanging off the belt loops, a black Green Day T-shirt, and Chucks. She had on black eye shadow and a black and silver necklace.

"How did you do that?" BJ asked, amazed.

"Since I have telekinesis, I can change my clothes automatically. This way, I could bunk with you guys." Ali added.

"Cool." BJ said.

"It takes some getting used to. And you still have to hear the midnight Evanescence." Hawkeye told BJ.

"What's that?" BJ asked.

"It's when I blast Evanescence, Linkin Park or Green Day. It's usually Evanescence, and it's always at midnight." Ali answered.

Then Potter came in with Frank's replacement.

"Ali, Hawkeye, BJ, this is Major Winchester." Potter told them.

"This aught to be good." Ali said under her breath.

"What was that, Chance?" Potter asked.

"Nothing." Ali said.

"I'll leave you 4 to get acquainted." Potter said, leaving.

When Potter left, Winchester took Frank's empty bunk.

Ali had set her cds on the bed.

"Watch it!" Ali yelled.

"What?" Winchester asked, confused.

"You almost broke my Cds, idiot!" Ali yelled at Winchester.

"That's telling him, Chance." BJ said.

"What do you listen to, anyway?" Winchester asked.

"Evanescence, Green Day, Linkin Park." Ali answered.

"You need to hear Evanescence." Hawkeye told Winchester.

"I listen to opera." Winchester said proudly.

Ali started laughing.

"Opera? That stuff's crap!" Ali said.

"That's what you think." Winchester shot at her.

"You wanna fight?" Ali threatened.

"Yeah." Winchester answered.

"I'd give it up, Winchester." Hawkeye advised.

"Why? And it's Charles." Winchester asked.

"Ali's got Telekinesis." BJ said.

"What?" Winchester asked.

"Yeah, I do." Ali told him.

She levitated her laptop and dropped it on her bed.

"Any questions?" she asked.

"No." Winchester said.

By this time, BJ had finished setting up.

"So, you're Gothic." Winchester needlessly pointed out.

"Anything wrong with that?" Ali asked.

Her eyes turned black, like she was going to use her powers.

"No." Winchester said.

He left for Potter's office.

Chapter 3

The next Sunday, Ali was trying to sleep through Father Mulcahy's sermon. Winchester kept waking her up.

"Dude, leave me alone!" Ali told Winchester.

"You should not be sleeping during church." Winchester stated.

"Well, that's your opinion." Ali said, falling back asleep.

Hawkeye and BJ where thinking of ways to annoy Winchester.

Father Mulcahy was getting pretty annoyed.

"What is the matter with you people? Don't you want to praise the Lord?" he asked.

"Not really." Klinger said.

"I agree with Klinger. Why should we get up at 6 on Sunday?" Ali asked.

"Yeah!" Radar agreed.

"Padre, we need to eat breakfast anyway." Potter said.

"I think you people should listen!" Margaret exclaimed.

"Give it a rest, Hot Lips!" Ali told her.

"Shut up, Chance!" Margaret yelled.

"That does it! Azarath Metrion Zenthos!" Ali yelled.

All of a sudden, Margaret was flying in the air and went straight into the cesspool. Hawkeye was laughing, Potter was laughing.

"That's what you get for messing with Ali!" BJ said.

"Where is Ali?" Radar asked.

She was gone. Radar, Hawkeye and BJ went off.

They found her in the Swamp.

"Are you ok?" Radar asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Ali asked.

"Attention, All personnel. Incoming choppers. All hands report to the launch pad." The PA announced.

Ali, BJ and Hawkeye ran down to OR. After they scrubbed up, they started operating. As usual, Winchester was annoying the heck out of Ali.

"That's not right." Winchester pointed out.

"Look Winchester, I'll do it my way. Got it?" Ali asked.

"No." Winchester asked.

"Major, unless you want to end up in the cesspool, I advise you keep quiet." Potter suggested.

"Yeah, Charles. I don't think that would be a very pleasant experience." BJ added.

"Hush up, Hunnicut." Potter said.

Father Mulcahy brought in another solder.

"Anyone have a free hand?" he asked.

"Yeah, Father." Ali said, taking her gloves off.

Margaret gave her some new gloves.

"Klinger! I need the X-Rays." Ali yelled.

Klinger came in with the X-Rays.

"Ok, it looks like he has a broken rib. Hey, could someone help me for a minute?" Ali asked.

"Can't." BJ replied.

"I can in a minute." Hawkeye replied.

He took off his gloves and put on new ones.

"I just need the cast paste." Ali told him.

"Ok. He's got 2 broken. I'll do one, and you can do one." Hawkeye suggested.

"Ok." Ali agreed.

They got to work.

"Any more?" Potter asked Father.

"Thank Heaven, no." Father Mulcahy replied.

"Thank God!" Ali said.

"I see you're doing it wrong, Chance." Winchester commented.

"Winchester, shut the hell up!" Ali yelled, making Hawkeye jump.

Winchester looked startled.

"Sorry, Hawkeye. Charles is being a bitch today." Ali apologized.

"Isn't he always?" Hawkeye asked.

Ali laughed.

"I'm done." Ali said.

"Me too. Meet you in the Swamp." Hawkeye said.

He left the OR with Ali following, Potter was still there.

"Pierce, does Winchester does this in the Swamp?" he asked.

"Oh yeah." Hawkeye said as BJ came in.

"Where's Ali?" Potter asked BJ.

"I think she went outside." BJ replied.

Hawkeye and BJ went to Radar's tent. Radar was reading a comic book.

"Where's Ali?" BJ asked.

"I don't know. I thought she was with you." Radar said.

"We thought she was with you." Hawkeye sated.

"She may be at the lake. I see her there a lot." BJ suggested.

They headed out to the lake.

"How did you and Ali get together?" BJ asked Radar.

"Well, Hawkeye suggested that we go to Rosie's one night.

We've been together ever since." Radar said.

"I thought Ali would be a happy person, not a Goth girl." BJ said.

They where at the lake. There, they saw Ali sending rocks in the water.

"Are you ok, Ali?" Radar asked.

She looked at them. Her eyes went from black to dark brown. She was wearing her Chucks, tight black jeans with chains from the belt loops, and a Linkin Park shirt.

"How did you find me?" Ali asked.

"I think the floating rocks gave you away." Hawkeye answered.

"What are you doing?" BJ asked.

"Practicing. I like to do it after OR." Ali replied.

"Well, let's get to the Swamp." Hawkeye suggested.

"Good idea. I can finish my story." Ali agreed.

Chapter 4

The next day, Hawkeye walked into Rosie's bar. It hadn't opened, but Rosie was setting up tables.

"I hate the war!" Hawkeye said.

"Doesn't everybody?" Rosie asked.

"I'll have a beer." Hawkeye told her.

Rosie gave it to him.

Hawkeye took out a package of cereal.

"Can I have a bowl?" Hawkeye asked.

She gave it to him.

Hawkeye dumped the cereal in the bowl and poured the beer in.

"Yum." He said.

"UGH!" Rosie exclaimed.

Ali walked in wearing her black jeans, Green Day shirt, Chucks and a silver necklace.

"There you are! Potter's looking for you." Ali said.

"I'm not going back." Hawkeye said.

"Good idea." Ali said, sitting down.

She looked at Hawkeye's cereal.

"What the hell is that?" Ali asked.

"Cereal and beer. Want some?" Hawkeye asked.

"Ugh. No thanks." Ali replied.

A few people came in. By 9:30, the bar was full. BJ had come in.

"Potter's looking for you." BJ said.

"I know." Hawkeye replied.

"Hawk's protesting against the war." Ali explained.

Radar and Winchester came in.

"Klinger's playing craps in the back." Radar said.

"You're telling us, why?" Ali asked.

"Just thought you'd like to know." Radar said.

"I hope you aren't planning to kill anyone here, Ali." Winchester said to Ali.

"All right! That does it! AZARATH METRION ZENTHOS!" Ali yelled.

Winchester was tied up with ropes. Ali, Hawkeye and BJ put him in a chair.

Then Potter came in.

"I thought that sounded like Chance! What the hell is going on?" Potter asked.

"Major Winchester asked Ali if she was going to kill anyone, and she attacked him." Radar told Potter.

"Why can't you 4 just get along?" Potter asked.

"Because Winchester's a bitch?" Ali suggested.

"Maybe, but no." Potter said, untying Winchester.

All of a sudden, the sound of breaking glass was heard. Klinger had thrown someone through the glass.

"Give me my money!" Klinger demanded.

Then a riot began.

People where attacking other people. Ali ducked under a table and started to send stuff at people.

"Can't get enough of the war, can you?" Ali asked.

"Evidently not." BJ replied.

Hawkeye was busy beating other up.

"Looks like Hawkeye's having a good time." Ali said.

"That makes one of us." BJ told her.

Ali made a force field around her and BJ.

"At least we can't get hit." Ali remarked.

Soon, there was only Hawkeye, Ali, BJ and Radar.

"You can't say it was a boring day." Radar said.

"Look at your jeans, Ali." Hawkeye said.

They where all torn up.

"DAMN! These are my favorite pair!" Ali said.

"Evidently, no one here likes Green Day." BJ joked.

Ali held up her fist.

"I'm just kidding!" BJ said.

"You had better be." Ali threatened.

"Well, let's get back to the Swamp." Hawkeye suggested.

"Yeah." BJ agreed.

Chapter 5

"Hawkeye, I have a great idea." Ali said.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and Ali, BJ and Hawkeye where in the Swamp.

"What, getting Evanescence to come over here?" Hawkeye asked.

"No. We can make a movie! Everybody's tired of watching the same movies, and I have a video camera." Ali explained.

BJ looked up from his book.

"Great idea! Radar can get some shots in OR." BJ added.

Ali got out her camera.

"I have an idea. We can get a shot of Winchester in the shower!" Ali suggested.

"Payback time." Hawkeye said.

The 3 of them walked off to the shower were they found Winchester singing the 1812 overture.

"Smile, Charles." Ali said.

"CHANCE, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Winchester asked, furious.

"Right now, making a video of you naked." Ali replied.

Hawkeye was cracking up.

"I fail to see what's so funny." Winchester asked.

"You know Hawkeye. Everything is funny to him." Ali said.

"Let's go get someone else." BJ said.

In the next 3 hours, Ali got shots of Potter painting, Margaret painting her toenails, Radar singing to Fluffy and Father Mulcahy boxing. Hawkeye managed to get a shot of Ali singing Minority.

Back in the Swamp, Ali was editing.

"I think we should get one of BJ." Ali suggested.

BJ was darning his sock. Ali turned the camera in his direction.

He noticed.

"Chance!" BJ yelled.

"We needed a shot of you. Now I'm done." Ali said.

That night, Ali's movie replaced Casa Blanca.

"Ali, how the heck did you get these?" Potter asked.

"The element of surprise." Ali replied.

"I think Hawk's laughing gave away most of the surprise." BJ added.

"Hawkeye, how the heck did you find my camera?" Ali asked.

"It was in the bookcase." Hawkeye confessed.

"That's where it was!" Ali said.

She chased Hawkeye out of the Mess tent, with Radar and BJ watching and laughing.


End file.
